Friday, August 15, 2008

Episode 32: Adventures in Japan

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When last we left our intrepid hero he was lunching with Bigfoot in a Georgia forest when they were suddenly attacked. Our hero escaped, and in spite of claims to the contrary, so did Bigfoot.

Our hero, and his faithful companion Super-Girlfriend Girl were summoned on a secret mission to Japan in order to attend Super-Girlfriend Girl’s twin sister, Twin-Sister Girl’s wedding. They hopped into their trusty time machine, known as a Boeing 777, and flew into the future arriving on Monday while it was still Sunday back in the States.

Immediately they were hit by the 90-Degrees-And-Humid Monster, who unfortunately dominates Japan in August. Little was to be done, except to wear as little clothing as possible and seek out air conditioning wherever possible.

Our heroes spent several days attacking the urban jungle of the Yokohama and the greater Tokyo area, vanquishing Godzilla, Mothra, Mecha-Godzilla, and several other foes along the way. They also enjoyed cake on the 70th floor of Yokohama’s landmark tower in the middle of a thunderstorm, shopping in Ginza, and exploring Tokyo’s subway system.

One morning, they took their lives into their own hands, dodging and evading forklifts and scooters, to check out the Tsukiji fish market. They found themselves the only tourists in a sea of fish merchants stretching out as far as the eye could see. (Unsure if they were in an area where tourists were technically allowed, they did not take pictures. Also, any momentary pause risked getting plowed down by a machine or merchant carrying fish.) Afterwards they had enjoyed the freshest and best sushi known to man, even sampling some whale, which tasted just like sushi, only chewier.

Later that day they went to the Fisherman’s Wharf of Tokyo: Asakusa Temple, where everyone around them was a tourist, even the Japanese.

Then our heroes boarded a bullet train for the trek south to Matsuyama, the site of the impending nuptials. There, they were forced to endure a string of events wherein they were questioned, probed, fed good food, smiled at, and talked about in a foreign language by Twin-Sister Girl’s Japanese soon-to-be in-laws. After much smiling and nodding, this too was survived.

The wedding itself was highly enjoyable, especially the buffet, featuring Kobe beef and freshly rolled Sushi. Hmm…

Our heroes then returned to Tokyo for one last day of relieving Japan of it’s fine consumables, our hero going so far as to purchase a painting while Super-Girlfriend Girl purchased a very nice bag.

Finally, they re-boarded their time machine, leaving Tokyo at 6pm on Tuesday, arriving in San Francisco 6 hours earlier.

When will our hero post pictures of his Japanese adventure?
Could NBC’s coverage of the Olympics possibly be any worse?
How many people on the west coast don’t realize their coverage is tape delayed?
And most importantly…
Who will win the gold medal in the steeple chase?

Find out the answers to these important questions and more in the next episode of
Our Intrepid Hero

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