Friday, April 25, 2008
Episode 23: Ballpark Gluttony
When last we left our intrepid hero he was trying to decipher the Greek alphabet underwater with a chicken half stuck up his nose. Boy, wasn’t that a good time?
Our hero and his trusty girlfriend were recently called upon to test the Oakland A’s new ultra-secret All You Can Eat section at the Coliseum. After work the duo retired to Super-D-Girlfriend Woman’s lair in Berkeley for a quick change into their thermal protective suits and hopped onboard a BART train for the ride to the park.
They arrived about a half hour after the first pitch, due to D’s earlier altercation with Stuck-At-Work Man. As they rushed through the stadium looking for their seats they became perplexed when no entrance to their section presented itself. Not to be defeated, they consulted a nice member of the Coliseum staff who immediately gave them the secret directions to the All You Can Eat Section, which were literally:
Go through those doors there past the elevators and down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs go around to your right (being careful not to leave the stadium through the tempting exists) where you will encounter a short older woman who will very slowly check your tickets again and then give you a special super-powered arm band then go around to your left and up another set of stairs until you get to the upper deck and the entrance to your section.
Doing as they were told our heros finally arrived in the concessions area of the top most deck of the Coliseum. Quickly looking to their left and right for the shortest food line, they found themselves face-to-face with Longest-Lines-You-Could-Possibly-Imagine-Even-A-Half-Hour-Into-Game Man.
Disheartened, but not defeated, they picked a line confident that their patience would eventually defeat the line monster. However, given the length of thewait, they resolved to get as much food as the limits allowed so as to avoid getting in line again.
Here’s what they got:
2 Hot Chocolates
2 Ice Cream Sandwiches
1 Hot Dog
They originally ordered 4 nachos, but due to an apparent shortage of chips, left without waiting for the 4th.
Summoning their super-human eating abilities, they consumed most of the food leaving behind one nachos and the popcorn relatively untouched.
Oh, and a baseball game was played. The A’s beat the Royals to provide a find backdrop for the gluttony.
Can food shortages in Haiti be blamed on the A’s All You Can Eat section?
Will the Democrats ever actually pick a nominee?
And most importantly…
Will the Cubs good start continue?
Find out the answers to these important questions and more in the next episode of
Our Intrepid Hero