Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Episode 20: The Internet
When last we left our intrepid hero he was bemoaning the fact that he was out of town the weekend his friends filmed the teaser trailer for 3 Days Later: Jesus Christ Zombie Lord.
Recently, our hero has grown frustrated with his super-lair’s lack of internet access. When our hero first moved into his new secret hideout, he generously obtained his internet access from the Upstairs-Neighbors-Who-Didin’t-Password-Protect-Their-WiFi League. However, that all changed a year and a half ago when the League split up and moved out of the apartment.
Our hero muddled through by going to local internet cafes and occasionally standing at the bus stop on the street corner to use His-Friend’s-Downstairs-Neighbor-Who-Doesn’t-Password-Protect-His-WiFi Man’s wifi. Increasingly, however, our hero longed for the ability to get online without having to walk many blocks, purchase food, or face the elements and strange looks from passing bus drivers.
Various villains, however, impede our hero’s ability to obtain the Internet. Firstly, our hero must deal with the Bundled-Service Monster. As our hero has no need of a land-line phone or cable service (as his cable is provided by his landlord), cable modems or DSL are needlessly expensive. Secondly, even if our hero decided to go for the cable modem option, he would have to face His-Apartment-Isn’t-Technically-A-“Legal”-Unit-As-Defined-By-The-City-Of-San-Francisco-And-He-Would-Severly-Confuse-The-Cable-Company-In-Trying-To-Set-Up-Service Man.
Our hero opened up a line of communication with his landlord in order to solve the problem of obtaining internet access, and he suggested sharing the connection of the people who live upstairs.
Overcoming Unexpected-Shyness Man, our hero called them up and… Bingo! They gave our hero their security key for their wifi and he agreed to pay a share of the cost. Not only that, but after waking up the scarab beetles and firing up his ancient papyrus laptop, he was actually able to connect!
Our hero spent a blissful Saturday afternoon riding the Internet waves and rushed home from work on Monday with his head full of sugar plum dreams of the evening’s surfing. But then, our hero was attacked by Where-Did-Their-Network-Go Man. Eventually, he was able to perform a ritual to sun god Rah that pleased him enough to reveal the network to his laptop, but not to provide a strong enough signal to connect.
Will our hero be able to connect tonight?
Will he have to figure out how to otherwise get the Internet installed?
And most importantly…
How long before AT&T or Verizon can get a national broadband system set up in the old TV spectrum?
Find out the answers to these important questions and more in the next episode of…
Our Intrepid Hero.