Friday, January 4, 2008

Episode 12: Hectic Holidays

Transmissions from our hero the last few weeks have been attacked by some sort of cosmic interference. Here is what we’ve been able decipher:

December 21, 2007:
… with the help of the Fabulous-Miss-D-Girlfriend woman and her family of crime fighters, including her twin sister Miss-A-Teach-English-In-Japan Woman and Mister-T-Japanese-Boyfriend Man, on a special mission from, well, Japan, our hero was able to defeat a Full-Holiday-Dinner-With-All-The-Trimmings Monster… got presents! Including Socks!... Miss-D liked her Professional Bull Riding shirt…

December 22, 2007:
… visiting Dickens Faire… defeat villain… forced to consume mass quantities of Orange Gin and Tonics… no you’re the man… escape alive…

December 23, 2007:
… fly to Chicago… his mother called to ask if, when he called from the tarmac to say he had landed and was taxing, if he was taxing to Midway from O’Hare. No, our hero replied, but his bags might be… an hour later his bags appeared… valiantly fighting the Snow-And-Wind Monster as they drove across Illinois towards Iowa… Finally at 11 o’clock Central, even though our hero being on Pacific time could have kept going, his mother couldn’t take it anymore and they pulled off the interstate. Fortunately the road was a solid sheet of ice allowing them to just slide right into the motel parking lot…

December 24, 2007:
… based on the countless cars and trucks littering the ditches along the roads like pine needles under a Christmas tree, our hero was glad they stopped when… Arrived in Ames at the secret hideout of his sister in time for lunch! … Playing with niece and nephew… telling stories to Miss-O-Niece-I’m-Obsessed-With-Horses Girl and The-C-ManNephew-Loves-Pirates boy… playing monopoly until the C-Man broke down under the pressure of having depleted so much of his cash in real estate purchases that he couldn’t stay liquid… “crybaby” says Miss-O… tears… yelling… stopped playing Monopoly… Kids went to bed vibrating with anticipation… stayed up too late watching the best holiday movie ever, Holiday Inn, with his sister. They did not recite the lines along with the movie.

December 25, 2007
How early is it? … Leave the hotel where they were staying in order to get back to his sister’s before 7am… kids opening presents from Santa Christmas morning is so cool… napping… got presents! Including socks! … A walk with his Mr.-T-Brother-In-Law Man around town taking in the forest of presidential candidate lawn signs… Biden’s running?... Lot’s of turkey and his Grandmother’s stuffing recipe… stayed up too late watching the original Pirates of the Caribbean with his sister.

December 26, 2007
… up early to have donuts at his sisters… stopped for lunch at the World’s Largest Truckstop of Interstate 80 in Iowa… arrive in Oak Park at his other sisters… playing with the nephews… dinner… presents… chaos… insanity… cutest thing ever… stayed up too late watching Alien vs. Predator with his sister and brother-in-law.

December 27, 2007
… after sleeping the night in 3-year-old nephew Jogantor’s bed… on the road again… driving to Michigan through Chicago… parent’s new hideout, all moved in!... HDTV… homemade pizza’s… collapsed asleep early, succumbing to Crazy-Three-States-in-three-days-holiday-extravaganza Villain…

December 28, 2007
…waking after nearly 12 hours asleep… had forgotten how harrowing driving in the snow could be… dinner with Mom’s side of the family… more kids!... good to see everyone… packing… stayed up too late watch Raiders of the Lost Ark on the new HDTV.

December 29, 2007
Drive BACK to Illinois, EEP!... play with nephews… fly to Oakland… Waiting-for-Bags-Monster…

December 30, 2007
… finally home to San Francisco…

December 31, 2007
… drive to Sacramento for Miss-Sinatra’s Wedding… Unfortunately Sacramento has been rendered unplottable by the Wizengamut making any sort of internet mapping useless… Exit at X Street? There is no exit at X Street… Only by blind dumb luck did our hero and Miss D happen to stumble across the hotel… Sleep number bed! … Best restaurant ever: Tex Wasabi’s. It’s Japanese and Southern BBQ fusion. Seriously. AMAZING… beautiful wedding… Sinatra walked down the aisle at midnight…

January 1, 2008
… ceremony a good balance of funny and formal... Soooo much fun… sleep, glorious sleep… caught part of the outdoor hockey game. 70,000+ watching hockey!... raced back to San Francisco before kick-off of the Rose Bowl… sunk into a deep despair as Illinois got slaughtered by USC… Oh, no! Not Hawaii too!

And this one stray communication that we can’t quite fit into context:
Happy New Year!

1 comment:

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