Friday, December 14, 2007
Episode 11: The Old Ways
When last we left our intrepid hero he was sipping a martini in a Monte Carlo Casino with a…. oh, wait, that was James Bond.
Dateline: Last Night
Our hero arrives home late after a successful inoculation at his Allergist’s Super Lair against various dastardly airborne particles intent upon uploading the last documents to his University of Michigan MFA Application and submitting it. Strapping his ancient laptop to his desk, he headed out the door to trek to the internet cafe.
He was immediately attacked by the Unseasonably-Cold Monster. Wishing he had a neck warming device, our hero trudged on. Lest you think our hero has grown thin skinned living in NorCal, the weather in San Francisco has been dropping into the 30’s and 40’s at night. Yes, yes, above freezing, but barely. Had it been below freezing our hero would have been wearing his winter cold armor. See how long you last outside in those temperatures without a winter coat, hat, and scarf.
Our hero also found himself lamenting the fact that he was still wearing his office regulation super-hero shoes, instead of his more cushioned and comfortable regular regulation super-hero shoes. But alas he trudged on, wishing there were a suitable internet café within closer walking distance.
After what he would later describe to his descendants as “walking uphill in the snow barefoot” our hero arrived at the café only to find it had fallen victim to the Inexplicably-Closed Villain. A simple note on the door indicated they would re-open the next day at noon. Curses!
Our hero trekked back towards his hideout. He knew he could go to the local Pizza Joint and get online there, but he was not very hungry and did not want pizza. Instead he remembered that a new Healthy Food Joint had been advertising free wireless. He hadn’t tried it yet, because he needed to plug his computer in or the scarab beetles running the battery would give out before he’d accomplished anything.
They had power outlets! They had hot soup! Our hero sat down to begin his quest to finish his mission. But nothing can be easy. He was attacked again by the Wifi-Is-Too-New-And-Isn’t-Compatible-With-Older-Technology Man. He encouraged the little scarab beetles inscribing the little papyrus scrolls inside his laptop to pray to Rah and carry their message through the air to the magical Wifi God in a language understandable to all, but to no avail. He finished his soup and shut down his computer.
He’d have to accomplish his mission without Wifi. Using the ancient technology of CD-R, our hero copied the necessary files, brought them to work today, and finished his application on lunch. Sometimes the old ways are the best.