When last we left our intrepid hero, he was waist deep in lava, picking petunias out of his teeth, wondering what the difference was between Ginger Ale and Ginger Beer.
But we all know how that turned out.
Our hero spent Sunday with the fabulous Miss D-Super-Girlfriend-Woman at her secret lair in Berkeley, CA. But alas, this day was not to be spent lying on the couch eating bon-bon’s watching trashy TV. No! The dynamic duo had a date with Miss D’s parental units, it being the anniversary of the paternal parental unit’s birth!
Now, this might be more than a mere mortal man could handle: lunch with the girlfriend’s parents on the father’s birthday and, while not technically the first time he’s met them, certainly the first social contact since the commencement of dating. One might be tempted to say something inappropriate, or simply put one’s foot in one’s mouth.
But this is not mere mortal, this is our hero!
A good time was had by all at lunch.
What? You want more details, I hear you cry! Well, all right. Our hero and Miss D arrived early only to find that Downtown-Restaurant-Chosen-By-Father had fallen victim to evil Closed-This-Sunday-For-No-Apparent-Reason Man. When the parental units arrived, this obstacle was easily overcome by the decision to eat at French-Restaurant instead.
Then our hero was introduced to the parental units only as “my parents”. With no names with which to refer to them, our hero relied on a lifetime of practice not using people’s first names due to a genetic inability to remember first names (Carl, John, Richard, Mark, Sheba…), one of our hero’s few flaws, to navigate the meal with flying colors. And even after having been told their names after lunch by the mortified Miss-D, our hero still doesn’t remember them, so it’s all for the best.
And finally, our hero survived a friendly disagreement with Paternal-Parental-Unit Man over Marry Zimmerman (our hero loves her work, PPU Man can’t stand it) and the fact that PPU Man once (in the early 70’s) lived in the suburbs near where our hero grew up and taught at the University Closest to the Lombard Area, just like our hero’s father, only PPU Man hated it and couldn’t wait to get back to Berkeley.
But as previously stated “a good time was had by all at lunch”. Miss D even said Maternal-Parental-Unit Woman must have like him too due to the lack of any Stares of Death.
The rest of the afternoon, our hero was waylayed by Oh-my-god-the-french-food-was-so-rich-I’m-going-to-be-sick Man. Then in the evening Miss D transformed herself into her alter-ego Miss D-Stage-Manager-Extraordinaire Woman and our hero attended a performance of the show she’s been working on. Our hero enjoyed it, but couldn’t begin to explain the show in any way. Our hero just let his mind wander and let the images of the show influence that wandering, which to a large degree is the whole point of the show. So Bravo!
Will our hero still be dating Miss D after she reads this episode?
Will Miss D ever be mentioned in this chronicle again?
But most importantly…
Are the Red Sox the new Yankees?
Find out the answers to these important questions and more in the next episode of:
Alan: Our Intrepid Hero